Dear one…

(2012 in German Institute of Professional Studies. Unaware of what was awaiting me)

Nothing in life comes easy. If you think there is then summon yourself to a meeting and ask yourself a few questions. That easy something you achieve might probably not last long. You’ve heard of easy come easy go.

I believe if you want something, you till and toil till you lay your hands on it. There is an unutterable indescribable satisfaction in harvesting and enjoying the fruits of your labor. A feeling you get, and the peace that comes with it that no one can take from you.

I see people complaining about the situation they are at at the moment and I also do so sometimes. I sometimes want some things to just happen overnight. If they don’t, I either get sad, mad, aggressive and doubt myself.

Trust you me, anything I have ever achieved so easily I can’t tell a worthy story about. Those things that I tarmac and sweat for and achieve, I can tell an authentic and inspiring story about. It might sound depressing to hear that I don’t always achieve what I want no matter how hard I work for them.

If you are religious you will of course say that God had other plans. Or it is not yet your time. You will also say that I haven’t fasted or prayed enough. That I should go back on my knees and cry to God.

Well, it might be so but that is not all. I actually dislike people who put their failures on others and on the devil. How much of a believer are you to actually dwell on how Satan is day and night working against you? Do you even question that it could be something you are doing wrong or something you are not doing that sees you in the same same situation?

You could be your greatest enemy. Most times we opt the easier way out. It is easier to put a blame on others. It gives you some kind of power. It makes you feel right. You feel like others should change and you don’t have to deal with the problem at hand because it’s not your fault. If you just take a step back and evaluate your actions then you might be able to solve half your problems.

Instead of always questioning others start by questioning yourself first. Instead of giving the devil all power over your failures, believe a little bit more in yourself. Instead of waiting on God and tithing your last resources and doing nothing because you think God will just show up, challenge yourself. I hope the same bible you read tells you that God helps those who help themselves. Change your mindset. Choose to explore other perspectives.

I take one example in my life. I start by saying living abroad is not huge achievement. You don’t have to go abroad to make ends meet. No! You can do it right where you are. But for me this is what I wanted. Since I was a small girl I always wished to live abroad. I envied my family abroad and wanted to join them someday. But I ended up all alone in Europe. Without family.

What did I do about it? I didn’t just wish. I worked towards it. I went to a language school after Highschool not having a clear vision of my future. To be honest I din‘t know where I was headed. I wanted to go to the USA, and here I was studying German.

This whole process of learning German in German Institut of Professional Studies had me exploring my options. My future was shaky. I strained and sweat to get my Visa. I went through hell to leave the country and there is no single day that I gave up until I landed in Vienna where I began the hard life. Beginning a new life in Austria was hectic. It was threatened. If you know me you can attest to this. I fought. Stood still. Still here.

So many people want to travel. They even have no Idea to where. So many write to me asking how I can help them go abroad. They don’t even have a passport. In this era where everyone has a smartphone and google is not limited, I feel you should go an extra mile. Ask questions when you have an idea of what you want.

There are people willing to help you when they see you putting the work. There are loved ones who will hold your hand and guide you if they see you initiate. Little brothers and sisters be free to initiate and start conversations with those you look up to. Help them help you.

Don’t sit there and wait for someone to tell you what to do. Don’t let people sway you side by side trying to make you something you are not. I believe you have a passion and that is what you should work with. You have a voice. If people don’t listen to it, be louder till you are heard.

I know life can be hard. It is. The transition from childhood to teenager to adulthood is daunting. And adulthood is where you will be for a long time. Make it count.

Discern wisely the people you look up to. If you feel they are legit. Listen to their advice. But also don’t expect them to be always there. Define wisely what success is to you and work towards that. It could be a big house, it could be helping others, it could be education, it could be helping animals etc. Build a firm foundation for you that will see you standing when a hurricane comes.

Know your future is not in your mothers,fathers, siblings or partners hands. It is in yours. See how much power you already have.

No pressure just real talk.

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Crush…😉

You love him but you can’t have him,

It would be going against all odds,

unacceptable . One of the „it was never meant to be“. But there is a thin line of it could be.

Your heart skips a beat at the thought of people knowing you like him a little too much. Could be embarrassing. They will think you are lame.

You can’t ignore the fact that he drives you insanely crazy. This kills you silently. But you have made peace with knowing it can never be more than what you would want.

You fantasize. Maybe hit it and get over it. He will reject you, you fear. You are way out of his league. You think. You hate him sometimes because you feel like he is dancing on your feelings.

He is your good friend. He listens. He is so beautiful to look at. His eyes tear through yours and you feel you tummy turn. You want more but more might be unhealthy. Things you want to do to him and with him. (Bites tongue) But for your own good, you back off.

Anytime you know you might meet him your mind goes on a trip. Your heart beats so fast. When he leaves you can picture your beautiful babies with him. They have his eyes and his hair. They are intelligent just like him.

You have such good moments together but there is no graduating from friendship to coupling. You are so sure of this. God knows you want to kiss him so bad. You restrain because there is no going back from there.

He leaves to his significant other. You leave yours. When he is single you wish him to be single too. You crave him, desire him, covet him. Is it just lust or is this what love is? You can’t tell. You won’t dare to try.

You wish everyday that all it is, is just mere infatuation. Although it haunts you so deep to be.

Is there a drug to heal a crush?

Ps: HE could be HER too 😃

Do you have a crush?

Mummy, 17 years on

mummy I love this pic of you.

There is this ache in my heart that will never go away. A hole that will never be filled. 18.04.2001 The mark was left.

In your twenties you carried me in your womb for nine months. In your womb I fed through you. You religiously went for those clinics to make sure I remained healthy. You did this process 5 times. I salute you.

You never had it easy in your life. That is for sure. I saw you cry and I heard you crying alone in your bedroom. I saw you on your knees praying for all of us mum and your God always gave you peace. He always made a way for you and your family.

You worked and still loved your husband unconditionally. You never abandoned your elder son either. You went ahead to give me and my brother three more brothers.

See your first born takes mirror selfies at work. Is that a thing in heaven?

You most definitely was the envy of many. You were a strong woman. A hard worker. You never complained. You always gave thanks. You were a believer. You disciplined your children and talked to us in a manner we could understand. You always smiled. You were a giver.

You visited many and on your back carried loads of gifts to your family and friends. I and my siblings accompanied you to visit the people you loved. You taught us respect and responsibility. You prayed so hard. You testified to many about all the goodness in your life, even when things were clearly hard at times.

We all called you mummy. I never got to see your imperfections. I spent only 9 years of my life with you. It was enough time to know how perfect you were. How hard you tried to keep us happy. You taught me how important family is.

You saw good in everyone mummy . You literally prayed for everyone. Some people were very mean to you. Some openly insulted you and your children. Some people even family members called and branded you mean names and you still saw good in them and asked us to love them.

I knew you for a short time to call you a phenomenal woman. A woman with a heart of gold. A rare one.

Mummy anytime I think of you I wish I was granted more time to be with you. I wish you could sit me/us down and talk to me/us the way you used to. I wish we could still cook and wash the dishes together.

I wish we could talk one on one about my life. I wish you could see the woman I have become and somehow be proud of me. I wish we could talk about love and heartbreaks. I wish you could guide me in a lot of aspects in my life. I wish we could argue and in the end hug tightly and say how much we love each other.

I mean mummy I would give anything for you to come back and scold me for making silly mistakes. I hate that cancer robbed you from us. Mummy I hope wherever you are you don’t worry too much about us. We are all fine. We all miss you a lot and will love you forever.

Your husband and three sons. All grown and goofy. You would be proud of dad. He did it and is still doing it.

You live in me and I will always treasure the memories we had. Thank you for smiling down at me. Go on sing and dance with the angels. I know they can’t get enough of you.

I have loved you since I can’t remember when and I’m gonna love you till I can’t forget how. Continue resting in peace mummy.

img_7742Your daughter Ciru

Snippet of my love life.

We all have a story to tell about an ex. I wonder who doesn’t.

If you count yourself as my ex I might be talking about you. If you don’t resonate to anything here and you thought you were my ex mmh we were never a thing, we had a fling.

I was once upon a time a very shy girl when it came to boys. I remember vividly how my walking style changed if I walked past boys or how I innerly begged the grounds to open and swallow me if I felt a boy was watching me.

If I was sent to the shops to buy something and saw boys on the road I would hide behind the bushes till the road was clear off boys. In lower primary, I couldn’t finish my lunch because boys were around and it made me uncomfortable.

I had my first boyfriend in form 3 Highschool and our relationship was defined and sealed with a kiss. That is how I roll. After the exciting grace period of liking, wooing and hunting each other, I like to discuss and define whatever it is we are exploring and hoping for.

One day my parents sat me down in their bedroom and made sure I wasn’t seeing that boy again. Not that I had admitted I was seeing him. I asked for a break from him and we never revisited our broken relationship. We kissed once and broke up. Years later I can say we are friends.

I’m done with Highschool and eagerly waiting to fall in love. Hoping for true honest and real love to knock me down.

It surely does come around. (At least from my side it was). I fall head over heels with this lab technician. I frequently volunteer to be sent to the shop wishing and praying to bump into him. When I do my heart races. I only get to see him on his working days. No extra dates. No romance. No holding hands. I delay at the shopping center so as to catch him on his way home. He walks me home careful not to be seen by my parents or neighbors.

Luckily for me he is afraid of my family at large. He doesn’t go too far to evidently play with me. At least physically he keeps distance. He fears he would get killed. What he doesn’t tell me is, he has another lady he is openly seeing.

His colleague warns me. My heart won’t listen because I trust he would tell me himself. I’m caught up in a drama I have no idea I’m in.

Fast forward. I’m leaving for the city. Nairobi. We have an emotional goodbye. He offers me money. I refuse. I don’t even check how much. I don’t need his money. I’m innocently in love.

I’m awoken from this love trance by a phone call days later. I had called coz I needed to talk to him badly. He didn’t pick up. He calls back the next morning and rudely asks me how I dare call him. He tells me loud and clear “..I’m a one woman man.” Can’t even fathom what he means.

Dumbfounded and unable to comprehend anything he is saying, I sit there. I can’t remember if I cried. I remember calling my best friend later. She nursed my broken heart. She couldn’t mend my broken trust.

He toiled and tossed with my 18 years old heart consciously and much later begged me to forgive him. After he had just had a baby with the other lady. It took time but I forgave him. He will surely read this. He is a fan.

I can admit that this ordeal changed my life and perspective to love.

I’m 19 years old now and I meet this light skinned black gentleman at his workplace. He is all kinds of gorgeous but I’m wide awake and discerning. He steals my number from their log book and contacts me. I’m happy and at the same time feel invaded. I tell him he was wrong. He apologizes and never calls again.

I save his number hoping he will call or text. Months go by but he never does. One day his colleague who is my friend tells me to drop by at their work place. Which I do and I see mr all cuteness in a white coat. He follows me outside and decently requests for my number. Who I’m I to say no. I think I have found the one.

We kicked it off with sending each other numerous texts day and night. My heart was still not open to anyone. But this guy felt right to me. He is mature. We go on our first date in town. We seal our relationship with a kiss on the bus at Railways bus station.

I thought that was the craziest thing I would ever do. Wait! Probably the dumbest thing I did was secretly lick sugar before kissing him so he would always tell me how sweet my lips were. Yes I did that.

I reminisce on that kiss through our one year relationship. He has taken me to his home. I have met his brother and friends. He mentions marriage and my issues and insecurities crawl in. I find fault and I slowly break up with him.

At almost 20 I feel I have bigger dreams than marriage. I think I have much more to look forward to than settling just like that. If this love is meant to be it can wait.

Years later, he is married to a gorgeous woman and has a beautiful kid. We talk now and then and he has done well for himself.

Out on the dating scene, having fun here and there. Consciously and subconsciously making clear and stupid mistakes. Going out with guys who don’t know what they really want. Neither of us wanting to commit. Living forever young and yolo kind of lifestyles.

21 finds me an all rounded grown mature girl. So I tell myself. I’m too thirsty for the future though. I move to Europe and my love life takes a whole different turn. (post for another time)

All these relationships taught me something. I would be dumb if I din’t learn anything . Somehow they prepared me for the future. What I am now I wouldn’t be if I din’t go through each one of them.

For those who broke my heart I forgave them a long time ago. I have no bile and hold no grudges. Actually thank you for having taught me something.

But also I think the world would be a much better place if no one played with another’s heart or feelings. Young girl, young boy be careful who you let in to your circle. Love right and don’t be stupid in love. Define what you really want for your life and work towards that.

What is your story?

How I met Josef and what he lost.

Each of us can count or recall at least one or two if not many encounters we had with someone who left us totally blown away, touched or fulfilled. It didn’t matter that you didn’t know the persons before and you probably have never met them again.

We truly are taught by every person we meet.

I’m convinced that there is that person you will meet and they will leave a mark on you. It could manifest itself on you in the simplest way or in a million little powerful ways.

I’m totally exhausted after a 11 hour shift at work and in less than 2 hours I have to grab a night train from Vienna Austria to Düsseldorf Germany. I will be in the train for roughly 13 hours. I realise I have forgotten my earphones at home and I very much need them for this long trip, since I downloaded a few movies from Netflix on my tablet. I rush home, and due to the great relationship I have with food, I quickly fix myself dinner, pick what I came for and head out to the station.  I have a clear laid out plan in my mind of how my night will be. I’m super excited to catch up on my favorite series’ Scandal plus a movie or two.

It is freezing.The cold has my fingers in utter pain. Almost numb. My gloves are not thick enough. I finally board my train, hoping to be alone through the night where I can stretch and pass gas if need be. I find my seat and sadly there is a second person in the same train compartment. Well, one is better than four others, I console myself. I put my luggage in place at the same time stealing glances at this guy who just ignored my greeting gesture. Probably he didn’t hear me.

I sit down and rub my ice-cold Fingers together. He notices my uneasiness and suddenly asks me if I’m cold.  I say yes. He stands up and turns up the heater. I still can’t stop rubbing my hands. He says the unexpected.  You can have my Jacket and if it’s not enough my pullover too. Which he is wearing. He is almost removing it to hand it over and I’m like  (Who are you?) in my mind. I decline since I have my Maasai blanket and anyway it is a matter of time till my body warms up.

I just met you a minute ago and you want to dress me? Hell no. Now my mind starts scrutinizing this young man. He is quit attractive and has a long full clean beard. I can imagine it means a lot to him from how he once in while runs his fingers through it. I watch him closely but secretly and I seem to notice some deep-seated sorrow on his face.  He might be going through something shitty.

It takes a few minutes after I have made myself cosy and taken out my Tablet that we seem to start a harmless conversation. This is what I dreaded. I do not know how to ignore people so I play along slightly irritated. I notice that he is quit talkative. We talk about our names and start finding meaning and origin of our names. He has quit a lot of stories to his names. He is very impressed that I pronounce his name correctly. He says no one ever seems to do it and he has been contemplating on changing his second name for that reason. He compliments me.

He has that low voice and sometimes I don’t catch some words. His German has an unfamiliar accent but he tries to speak Standard German for me to understand. I’m anyway partly listening. He is coming from Vienna to give up his apartment because he will in a few days move to Hamburg where he got a new job and a promotion.  Right now he is headed to his moms place.

He talks about how hard he partied the weekend that was. He wanted to forget his problems. He is talking about someone dying and shows me a photo from his phone of a beautiful girl. I tell him I’m sorry for his loss. I was not fully attentive to everything he was saying, then I decide to ask him if his girlfriend will later join him in Hamburg.

He stares at me somehow confused at my question. He tells me she is the one he has been telling me about. She is the one who died. I silently curse at myself for being insensitive and not attentive. He grabs all my attention. I feel sorry for him and I apologize.

I become inquisitive and that’s when he tells me the whole story. He came to Vienna a few days ago and his girlfriend of 8 years who lived in another town was supposed to come meet him. She was compelled to wheelchair since a few years ago. A different complication. She was being driven by some one else when this truck came from nowhere and hit them. She and the driver landed in hospital. She underwent a successful operation. The driver still in a coma. Josef was by her side when she came to. They talked not knowing it was their last talk. Hours later she succumbs to death due to inner bleeding.

As if that was not enough loss, a few days later fate decides he will be the one to find his girlfriends sister dead in the bathroom. A teenager. She took her own life. She could not deal well with her elder sisters loss. He becomes traumatized. He is arrested in trauma. I’m the only person in this train he needs right now. I’m sitting there in silence as he narrates and I can’t start to imagine the trauma, sadness and pain he is going through. What of the victim’s family? What can I tell him that could possibly make him feel a tiny bit better?

I utter words that are often said to people going through loss. I don’t know if they will have any impact on him. I do more of listening than talking. He is now crying uncontrollably. He apologizes for putting me in this situation. I offer him pocket tissues. I move to him and hug him so tightly. We adjust all the sits in a way we can all lie down. Our faces are now glued to the train ceiling. I take few glances at him and I can see tears running to the back of his ears. I tell him I have a slight idea of how he might be feeling. (You can never exactly tell how another person is feeling) He looks at me waiting to hear more. I tell him I have lost a handful of close people to death and the biggest blow being my mom. I tell him in the beginning it feels like the world crushed and most recently I learned to cope and I accepted the loss.

I suggest to him that in his case he needs professional help. He needs a therapist to help  him through the process. He needs to talk to anyone be it his friends or mum who will listen and walk with him without opting out. He has been talking to a psychologist friend and his supportive mum who have been very helpful and that gives me peace.

After talking till almost 2am we decide to sleep a bit. We are woken up by police for control check. (They are searching for refugees, always.) They think we are a couple. We laugh it off. We sleep again and I wake up in time for him to almost alight. Koblenz is where his next connection is. I’m curious about why he opened up to me. In the midst of him thanking me and saying how grateful he is to have met me he answers my unasked question.

He tells me when he laid his eyes on me he thought I was special, kind and interesting. He just felt I was a good person. I gave him, a stranger a shoulder to cry on and this rarely happens. I feel like I did absolutely nothing but I take it that I listened when he needed to let out his pain. Silence and giving him that space to mourn was all he needed at that moment. I will never stop thinking of this encounter and I sometimes wonder how he is faring. We are not in contact.

Listening is so many times the only thing you need to do when you don’t know what to do.

To everyone who is going through any kind of loss I pray and hope you will find that person who will listen and offer you a shoulder to let out your pain. It will become easier with time even though it will never be the same again.

Every one perceives pain in different ways and they should be free to mourn in their own way.

You will heal, you will conquer!

There was a time a few months back I just felt extremely unhappy with myself. I just could not pin point where these bizarre feelings came from. I felt like I didn’t connect really well with myself. Or with a certain part of my body.

Well, some look at me and see a happy jovial cheerful completed and living it kind of person. I might be all that at times but there are little loopholes too. I’m not always okay. I have embraced that fact. It is okay sometimes not to be okay.

If you are an immigrant or foreigner in a certain country and you get a hairdresser who provides services that leave you 90% satisfied, you keep them no matter how annoying and uncomfortable those few hours at their shop make you feel. Because you hope in the end you will like your hairstyle and not have to comb or style out your curls on a daily basis.

Same case if you have a barber who gives you the cut of your life in under one hour and charges you a reasonable price you keep them. Regardless of how many drunks or annoying people you will have to sit in between at that particular barbershop waiting for that particular barber.

Prove me wrong if in a hair saloon, Precisely African hair salons is not the place to hear the latest gossip or rumors.

That is where the most rumor mongering and incoherent talks happen (sometimes you learn something new, I know). It is where you get educated on the latest trends. Don’t tell me it depends on where you go. There will always be a certain thing that will nerve you in whichever one you choose to visit.

Since I came to Vienna I have been to several hair salons trying to avoid one or two things from the previous one only to find myself going back to the first one who did my hair better. I have gone to people’s homes to do my hair only to realize I’m not comfortable in all that mess and unfortunately the smell of some of their food doesn’t sit well with me.

And also the too much talk is no different from been in a salon. Did I say I dislike when you try to hook me up with your brother who is not your brother but just some guy who asked you to find them a “wife”. Y’all know some African’s are all related. Until you ask deeper and they say “…in my country we all refer to each other as brothers and sisters.”

I have invited some women to do my hair at my place and one complemented me by saying I am fat. Insinuating I have no stress in this country and if I was in my home country I would be double my size. Mmh interesting line on conversation. Also I just don’t like that because you are in my space, my home you think we should talk about who shares my bed with me or my daily routine or why I should buy a TV.

I have digressed. Now you might by now know what part I didn’t connect with. Yes you are right. My hair. It has gone through so much. Did I mention I can make my own hair (which I do sometimes) but I find it easier or better when someone else does it for me.

I have had 3 big chops so far. It felt liberating. Something only a person who has done it can explain. The feeling is out of this world. Every individual who shaves/shaved their hair has/had their own reasons and motivation.

My last chop was because I just didn’t connect with my hair anymore. I literally felt it wasn’t part of me. Probably it was because I was undergoing through some emotional battles and breakdowns in my life and I felt I had to disconnect with some part of my body and it happened to be my hair. It worked out for me.

It probably also had to do with countless disappointments after my salon visits. I don’t know. Maybe tired of my hairdresser always lying to me. You know how they tell you on phone when making appointments, ” just come anytime. I have no customers.”

You get there and you are the ninth on the line. Or how the charges always seem to go 10€ higher than the last time. Or how you end up doing 60% of the work. You the customer divide the braids, pass it, they fix and you do the finishing. Or how so many strangers or men keep hanging around there eyeing you trying to buy you with a malt or Heineken.

Maybe it also had to do with none of my close friends knowing how to do my hair in return of me doing theirs. Or those who do never making time to do it for me. Or me not trusting them to do it for me. When I was green here I did many people’s including friends hair for free or for a few coins. Maybe I got frustrated of not receiving the same treatment too.

Probably it wasn’t all that but all I know for sure  is a lot plays a roll in how we feel and it’s just for us to dig deep into us and listen to our little true voices. If that one thing doesn’t bring you joy, like my hair didn’t at that moment, do what you want with it and you will still remain beautiful. You will be rejuvenated. You will heal. Take however much time you need. Listen and you will hear it. You will feel it. You will conquer!

SOBER TO MAKE BABIES?

Long gone should be the days we get children to fulfill other people’s expectations. Long gone should be the days we get children as old age security. Long gone should be the days we get children to trap each other into hopeless relationships. Long gone should be the days we get children to acquire and live on child care. Long gone should be the days we get children because we are a certain age and feel obliged to make a family and also can’t stand societal judgmental gestures, phrases and comments. So on and so forth. Y’all must be familiar with some of these pressures.

Parenthood is not meant for everyone! Not all people can bear the thought of been a mother or a father. We should respect those who say “NO I don’t want to have kids! ” for various reasons of course. We shouldn’t go all about trying to convince each other to have at least one. Are we gonna raise kids for others huh?!

It’s very irksome when some women just randomly advice other women not to have children and go ahead to explain how you should enjoy life because children are a burden. Or because children are a workload. Or how pissed their children make them. Making one excuse after another because of their kids. What and who forced you to give birth?

(Y’all get me right, I’m not talking about those situations one gets pregnant against their will. Like through rape).



Some women will ask you whether you have kids and when you say no you notice relief signed on their faces and they “advice “you shamelessly at what age you should start conceiving, how many kids you should have. Oh.. one is enough! Oh don’t get more than two! Oh you have three kids? Surprise written all over their faces…please get this or that contraceptive. So much hullabaloo around kids and parenthood. 

How don’t most young women and men in this era know that having children is a sober decision that should be met with all sobriety? Having kids is not a requirement of life that MUST be met. 

Some very religious people will be out there preaching how God wants us to procreate nonstop. Bash out birth control and all. So fill the world and then what? Are we capable to give quality and quantity love, care, time and support to each of our many kids? How many children grow without receiving love out of various reasons? Living in poverty and Lacking out coz mum & dad were never prepared to get kids. They just fulfilled one societys standard. Obeyed one of Gods command. Procreation!
Bringing a human being into the world requires one to be well if not wholly equipped mentally, emotionally, psychologically and all those…llys you know. Well, we need to have a financial plan too. What do we want our kids to eat, wear, have. What schools do we want them to go to? Do we want to send them to boarding schools at very young ages just to get them out of our space? How much (not only monetary) can we afford to give another life that is going to be dependent on us all it’s life? Scary right? 

Married couples or those people who want to co-parent should sit down with their partners and discuss whether they are even 60% equipped to take responsibility of one other beautiful life. Do you love yourself enough to love another life you want to bring to the world? Then maybe just maybe there will be less broken families. Less friction between parents and their kids. More contact, connection, openness, respect and togetherness amongst parents and their kids. 
It is so annoying and heartbreaking to hear parents ask their kids when they will open school as the first thing when they close school. How mothers complain that they don’t know what to do with their kids now that they are working and the kids have closed school. (They never saw this coming. Really?) 

Young girl in Highschool there is too much to life than having unprotected sex and just giving birth. (I won’t even touch sexually transmitted diseases now) Seek direction for your life. Who will pay your clinic & maternity bills? Who will you leave your baby with? Your mum? Your granny? What kind of relationship will you have with your baby? Babies grow up and one day they might not recognize you. Coz you abandoned them. This will hurt and who will you blame? 

Have protected sex. Seek, long and work to have a baby when you know you can provide what they need and give them the love they deserve. Every one would love that. If you din’t get that while growing up, at least be the one to give on to your kids that kind of love. Let no one lie to you that a child comes with what they need. It’s not only by Gods grace but also by hard work that we pull through. 

I know that parenting is the hardest “job” mothers and fathers do without receiving a check. Trying to juggle work, their individual selves and so much more. Still I think we can avoid so many struggles, worries and heart aches if we search within ourselves before making that decision of having a baby. 

I give credit to all parents who are duly there for their kids. Loving them unconditionally and not seeing them as a burden. I respect those who make no excuses with their kids after failing in other aspects of life. We all fall with or without kids. We stand back up wipe off the dust and move forward. 

Let us have this conversation.

Bless y’all